Life is Meant to be enjoyed...

My experience at BGC was one of the most rewarding and emotionally touching experiences of my life.  I met so many amazing women from all walks of life and even all corners of the world.  I had to face true challenges head first, but I did and I learned something about myself from those challenges.

I am typically not a 'crier' but BOY! I seem to be now.  I tear up just thinking of my new friends and the bonds we have made.  The most important lesson for me was that I need to start to enjoy life again. I am not one of those the glass is half empty people by nature; but the cup seems to have started to tip in that direction.  It is a direction I am not willing to go.  I want to feel joy in my heart again everyday, maybe not every moment of everyday, but everyday.

This is why I am on a new journey that will help me find out who I am and what I want to be.  I embark today; because today is a new day and any day can be Day 1 and a Tuesday is just as good as any other day!

 

So with that I am doing to do what makes me happy, be with who makes me smile, laugh as much as I breathe and love as long as I live...Because I am worth it and I matter.

Do What You LOVE...Loving What You Do

A wise woman recently said...
One of the happiest things that can ever happen in your life is when you find yourself doing something that you have been dreaming of, wishing for and looking forward to for a long time…when you are standing there right in the middle of DOING IT!!! That feels really good…..especially when it turns out to be even better than what you expected it to be.

I am going to try to follow this by focusing more on ME! and What my wants and desires are (once I figure it out!).
Step 1:  Work on Body Restoration
Step 2:  Soul Restoration I - which starts in August

Choosing to Change

Finally! Finally!
I am making the very difficult choice to change and not let other people 'rule' my world.
My first step committing to going to this retreat - FOR ME and no one else!
This is step 1:

You are officially registered for the September 2012 Brave Girl SUMMER Camp that will be taking place in Star, Idaho! 

Just a quick note to say that I am ready to create the me I wanna be!

Is Valentine's Day a 4 Letter Word?

It used to be that I really looked forward to Valentine's Day - All the love in the air, nice dinners (either in or out), prepping to look hot, buying the special undergarments or baby doll to finish off the night. This is the first year in a long time that as I search websites avoiding the work I should be doing... I go to Victoria's Secret. Start browsing and find some cute clothes, bathing suits, even underwear... all stuff I need but nothing that I am going to actually put in the cart and purchase because I just am lukewarm about it all. The I start looking at the V-Day stuff. Thinking to myself oh that is cute or I would like to look good in that! Still I am luke warm. And then it hits me, my relationship has turned luke warm. Gone are the days that he or I actually look forward to the spice and surprise a Victoria Secret outfit can muster. To be honest, I wonder if I did get all sexed out in the VS outfit if it would be appreciated as much as I would want... and then of course my ego would be crushed. I really want to try for it but the ultimate outcome is one of hurt and sadness for me. So I wonder, does the passion go out of all relationships?

Fall

I love fall. It always gives me a fresh perspective. Leaves falling, crisp morning dew - all signs that it is the time for renewal. Speaking of renewal, it makes me want to shed my old self and extra layers. Whether those layers are lbs, extra baggage or clutter. I love the opportunity that fall gives me to slow down and think about what I want to focus on for ME!
This time I have decided to work on losing a few lbs and get my shit together! Slowly... ever so slowly I am working on taking baby steps to watch what goes in my mouth; how many steps I take and how much extra paperwork or junk I can eliminate to feel better about me! Trust me - it is not an easy road, and I KNOW it will have lots and lots of potholes, but I am gonna focus and do my best to focus on me... for once!
I even have the GRAND plan to do more with less this holiday season - and really focus on the memories and season vs. feeling guilty over what I can or can not provide for my kids and others. Easier said here on my blog vs. doing, but I am sure gonna work hard at getting there!

Randam Rants

I can't seem to get back into the swing of things at work! I have no idea what is wrong with me.. I just have no desire to be there or do anything. This in not good. Bad.Bad. Bad.
On non work relatedness.. HUMV got back in touch.. good talk! There is such a weird connection there...thinking it through I can't seem to put my finger on it. I don't know what to do about it - something or nothing...
I feel like I am still looking for the perfect life.. the perfect person... the something. What is that 'something'? Sometimes I feel like I forget that I control me and I can do anything 'I' want to.. weird? I know! I feel like I should be checking with someone... or making sure I am not hurting someone... I should just do what I want for me... but no idea why I can't. What stops me? and how do I get there?

X Husbands and Mother's Day

Why is it that on the day that is supposed to be reserved for celebrating 'mothers' and all they do for us, our kids, our world and others my X has to be a total selfish jerk? Pretty typical and a true reminder of why we are no longer married.
I try my hardest to not show how his unkind remarks hurt me; and do my very best at not speaking unkind of him in front of the kids.. but DAMN! sometimes he can make it so difficult to not do so.

In my continued quest at enjoying my 3rd day of sabbatical - today was all and all fairly nice. My daily Starbucks run turned into two of my favorites and a Starbucks cinnamon roll for a treat! That personal trainer session on Tuesday will be wonderful for my over indulgences.

Dinner is calling! More to follow!